For
reasons I still don’t know that I want to discuss too deeply,
I had arrived at an awareness about myself roughly two years ago.
I
was likely going to be alone for the rest of my life.
Maybe
get a dog or two (or three). Perhaps move once or twice to set
myself up nearer to family and loved ones. But most definitely
alone.
It
wasn’t a decision I had made for myself. And, despite my occasionally
shaking fists above my head and cursing toward the stars above,
I wasn’t bitter. I’m not old and cranky. Not shouting at folks
to get off my lawn. Not mad about technology or loud music or
whatever it is that causes cranky old men to be cranky old men.
I
love life. Love my family and friends. Love interacting with the
world.
Still.
Expectations over the past couple of years until the most recent
months? Alone.
My
fears were partially founded on horror stories I have often heard
from others about the dating world. There seems to be a lack of
respect and honesty out there, united with expectations and demands
that don’t really align well with partnerships. It just so happens
that the things that seem the hardest to find, appreciate and
share, are also the things most important to me.
When
you’re looking for respect and honesty, support and kindness,
endless conversation and comfortable silence… well… it’s not as
easy to find in a staged profile picture, bios built more on pickup
lines than reality, and swiping right. Far more often than not,
curated marketing techniques are the norm, and those are quite
a distance from romantic realities. Information and exchanges
you can trust border right up against nonexistent. (And nonexistent
is only a slight exaggeration.)
Simply
put: Given a decision between (1) two dogs, a pint of ice cream,
and a lonely night on the couch streaming a great show, and, (2)
a first date with someone that has offered up at least five misleading
bits of information (a generous way of saying two outright lies,
two falsehoods that for now are unconfirmed due to the existence
of extremely weak plausible deniability, and one statement that
is the barest of partially true), is it any wonder people decide
to snuggle with the dogs and the ice cream?
Life,
however, seems to enjoy providing twists and turns, delightful
chaos, and moments of joyfully blue skies and rainbows. Many will
tell you that it’s when you aren’t looking for something that
it arrives. I’m not sure that’s true. Instead, here are the two
things I do know:
First
– Jigsaw puzzle pieces are cut in lots of different ways. Far,
far, far more often than not, no piece is cut wrong. But it
can take a great deal of time to find two pieces that fit together
perfectly.
Second
– If you don’t put your hand in the jar, you ain’t getting a
cookie.
Read:
You have to understand what you want and need, and you have to
try. You have to stick with what you’re looking to have in order
to find a relationship that feels right. There has to be some
effort on your part.
Sometimes
that most certainly does mean being greedy, at least at the start.
Not bending or compromising on your musts and your well-being.
Putting things in place that allow you to enjoy what’s developing.
Once
you grasp that, to be a true success means understanding that
works both ways. They have wants and needs and desires as well.
Give and take. People are different. No two people are looking
for exactly the same items in the relationship gift shop. Can
you embrace, cherish and enjoy the differences? Do the puzzle
pieces fit?
For
me, that means having a hand to hold. Someone that will lace their
fingers between mine and let me know we’re in this together. That
she’s as invested and excited about me as I am about her.
The
amazing part for me? Apparently, I’m headed away from being alone.
Someone—someone fantastic—has taken my hand. Family and friends
tell me I look happy. I sound excited. And I’ve noticed I’m smiling
again. She even has two incredible dogs that seem to have accepted
me as part of the pack. (If this keeps up, I may even let a few
of the neighborhood kids run across my lawn.)
Within
any and all of these lines is my advice to you. Reach into the
cookie jar – so to speak, kindly and with consent of course –
and try. As you do, recognize that puppies and ice cream are a
wonderful option when you aren’t finding what you need.
I
may not be up to date on the latest and greatest technology these
days. May not now the terms and lingo and best way to take a selfie.
I’m ready to swipe right anyway. (Anyone know how that gets done
without an app?)