Let’s
start this piece out by allowing me to say that I’m doing fine.
No
need for a wellness check.
Text,
call or email if you want to say hello, but there isn’t a need
to rush to your phone based on the title of this essay. Don’t
sound the alarms, gather the friends, and organize a group to
rush over to my house to make sure things are ok.
I’m
good. Really good. Stepping across the line into great, in fact.
The
source of this essay came while I was listening to some Aimee
Mann albums today. The phrase is part of one of her songs. (Fine,
full admission. “Save Me” is actually the name of the song. Seems
a bit spot on the nose to phrase it that way though, and a “Save
Me” song brings us to this Save Me essay which brings us right
back to the opening paragraphs.)
Just
those two words may have sent you off into concern. (And I love
you guys for that, but again, I’m good.) Just those two words
combined a bit with the atmosphere created by the song, got me
thinking. What moves any of us to do things for others? And by
that, I mean simple things as well as extra effort sacrifices.
You’re
in the office, getting ready to head out to lunch with a few co-workers.
You duck your head in to see a friend and tell her it’s time to
go. She says she can’t leave her desk, but reaches out with some
cash and asks if you could bring back something for her from wherever
you go. That’s pretty simple and easy.
A
friend calls and asks if you can give them a ride to and from
an outpatient surgery clinic for a procedure. The facility is
forty-five minutes away, and you’ll likely need to wait while
it’s taking place. The effort will take up most of your morning
and potentially head into the afternoon. This one is a bit more
involved.
There
are obviously plenty of examples from all over the spectrum of
time and sacrifice that we could get into. The idea is simple
enough though, we have levels of imposition we are willing to
tolerate that vary based on the people asking for the imposition.
From
friends, family and loved ones to acquaintances and neighbors,
the expenses, inconveniences and work we’re willing to invest
is not the same for every person. Not trying to be cold or judgmental.
That’s simply the truth.
I
will go to vastly more places for my mother than I will for someone
I’ve never met. I would completely expect you to answer in a similar
way. With that concept put in place, all we’re really quibbling
about is where people register on your personal imposition tolerance
scale.
Let’s
shift the idea away from me specifically. What I’m actually asking
about is you. Who are the people you might reach out toward in
different circumstances? Who are the people you might help at
different moments?
I
was having a conversation with someone once, and we were meandering
around, making jokes and weighing serious subjects. She told me
about friends she has, where not only would they help her get
rid of a body, they would then join her in volunteering for the
search party to look for it.
(Easy
there, folks. I said joking around was involved in our conversation,
remember? Plus, this is about the friends that will help her out,
and not how to make sure you aren’t on the wrong end of the shovel.
(Full disclosure: Yup, I have looked in the back of her car before
getting in to make sure there were no trash bags and shovels.))
So,
the extremes may fall between someone asking you to pick up a
sandwich and the friend you’d call to get your stories in place
before the police arrive. Both may have someone referring to you
as a lifesaver. Both are very much not the same as far as how
far you might go to save them.
Take
a moment to thank the heavens—or whatever you may be so moved
to credit—for those that you would save in any circumstance. (And
another moment to appreciate those that would save you.)