Email
addressed to the In My Backpack HR Department.
Asks
to “check the attached and do the needful” as the message.
So
basic, and yet there’s all sorts of fun stuff here.
Before
we dive in, I do have an acknowledgement to make. In My Backpack
is, by and large, me. I’ve got some folks that occasionally help
me out with assorted tidbits and projects, and I am incredibly
grateful for their efforts and attention. That said, if you are
reaching out to Backpackville’s HR Department, you are almost
certainly looking to reach me, and this did indeed make it to
my care. So, I guess, bravo. Job well done in that regard.
That
out of the way, it’s signed by HR. No clue who or what—or where
or anything else—HR may be. Could be human resources. Could even
be human resources of some legitimate company. (It isn’t. But
it could be.) Could be Harold. Harold Rochester. (It isn’t. But
it could be.)
The
same font size and style from the body of the email is in place
after the sign off, rather than the methods we’ve come to expect
of shrinking it by two or four or more sizes and then perhaps
italicizing it. The message delivered makes quite an official
presentation that the email was scanned by some Microsoft protection
stuff and that it may contain confidential information and blah
blah blah. (Of course, I don’t believe it was scanned by a puppy
wearing glasses, never mind anything Microsoft developed. I never
used the link—because of course I didn’t use the link—so I couldn’t
tell you if a single word was worthy of confidential treatment.)
All
of that brings us here: After the thought that gave some credit
for successfully almost reaching the nonexistent Backpackville
HR group, pure dumpster fire.
Doused
in gallons of gasoline, set ablaze, dumpster fire.
Why
on earth would I respond and “do the needful” for anything like
this? Is there anyone, anywhere, at any time that would “do the
needful” had a similar effort been sent to them? Did anyone “do
the needful” in response yesterday? Or, the day before?
(And
while we’re sharing some questions, what the heck is the needful?
I suppose it’s trying to hit that comfortable and casual sweet
spot that suggests I know what to do. Sign and return. Read and
complete. Something basic. Here’s the stuff so get going. But
it’s so stilted and awkward and wrong, it only serves as more
evidence to be used in questioning it.)
Sure,
I admit, we’ve wandered down the walkways of crazy email scams
before. And, honestly, for us novices there isn’t really much
new to report. Don’t click any links. Don’t respond. Was a request
to “do the needful” really that new and worthy of an essay? The
real needful is delete delete delete.
Over
recent years though, we’ve moved into emails claiming our package
was in danger. Messages saying that what we asked for is attached.
Laid back calls to action with fewer details and head nods toward
familiar landmarks. Simple and basic things, looking to generate
a relaxed and unguarded response, it’s over before you even knew
it began. Definite shifts from the requests for money from overseas.
But
here’s the reality… the requests for payment in gift cards are
there because they’ve worked. If, a year from now, an inbox with
“do the needful” arrives, you might rightly assume it means that
somewhere people are doing the needful. And, despite the stories
we see and warnings we hear, finding out how many scammers and
fraudsters are out there isn’t that easy to do.
Want
data about train accidents or murders or convenience store robberies?
We can do that. Looking to see attendance figures for movie premieres
or theme parks? Sure.
Search
for how often scammers get caught and you won’t find much. Instead,
as if the search engine revised the question to some other concept,
results come in for how to avoid current scams, or what to do
if you think you’ve been a victim of a scam. There’s data about
the number of reports filed, and estimates at how much money is
lost. Nothing in plain or immediate sight that suggests whether
or not thousands are caught each year, or how many are prosecuted,
and even less about convictions.
These
are dangerous waters. Now, more than even, think twice (and then
doublecheck your thoughts and think again) before you do the needful.