I
have some alerts set up on my phone. Honestly, I really couldn’t
tell you how the majority work even though I know I started most
of them. Don’t know what I selected to get them working, couldn’t
tell you how to turn them off. I seriously have no idea what settings
or apps or swipes were or are involved. For all I know it is equally
possible that it all started with the phone in my hand as it is
that the phone was in my pocket, and somehow instead of making
a phone call I butt-activated things.
Some
of them are about the weather. Some of them let me know it’s my
turn in a game. Some of them deliver the news.
Every
so often, they are more valuable than you might imagine, providing
unexpected assistance. For example, when I’ve left the car windows
open and the weather app alert tone goes off to bring my attention
to the message that rain is likely to start in ten to twelve minutes.
I have been saved from a car with a soaking wet interior on a
few occasions.
But
the vast majority—and VAST majority
really doesn’t begin to capture how dominating a majority it is—are
nothing more than information I really don’t want to have.
Allow
me to be clear, I don’t care that this celebrity was sighted for
the first time in weeks by paparazzi that took pictures of a coffee
run. I’d even go on with more examples of things that I’m not
at all interested in, but then I’d be bringing additional information
to the latest thing that broke the internet (or whatever phrase
the kids have already abandoned that the media is hoping to sound
cool using to describe it).
Point
being, clean and simple, the stupid stuff arrives far more frequently
than the “get out to the driveway and roll up your windows now”
assistance.
Frankly,
it’s usually nothing more than clickbait. It’s not an important
story. It contains no real information. There’s even a good chance
that the link will take me someplace where nothing from the exciting
blurb that got me to act is mentioned.
It’s
exhausting. Sort of. But not as exhausting and figuring out how
to turn them off.
The
other day, however, I learned that there was a level I couldn’t
have even guess was possible. The alert for things that I don’t
want to know because I’m quite happy with what I already believe.
And yes, I have an example.
The
tone went off, I looked at the screen, and the alert said that
experts—yes, it said “experts”—reveal why dogs twitch in their
sleep.
Now
I don’t know why anyone needed to search for experts on this story.
For free I would have told them every dog is dreaming about fetching
tennis balls or chasing rabbits that they never catch. Sunshine
and endless fields and happy dogs at play. We all know that’s
exactly what is happening when dogs are in dreamland and they
make that puff of a bark woof while their legs are moving.
I
don’t want to use the alert to access some article where the claim
is it’s nothing more than a muscle spasm, or high blood pressure,
or a vitamin deficiency, or hunger, or whatever. And I definitely
don’t want someone to try and tell me that dogs don’t dream.
What
I do care about is that we’ve elevated the news to a new art form.
Used to be alerts I might find interesting or useful, along with
alerts that I don’t need or care about. Now, we’ve reached a point
where I’m going to cover my ears and begin humming. (That’s figuratively
folks, I am aware you don’t block phone alerts by covering your
ears and singing “la la la la la la la” while running in an opposite
direction to get away.)
I
don’t want to question the motivations or reasons why my dentist
gives me a new toothbrush at every visit. I don’t want to think
about alternate reasons for puppy dreams. (And don’t even get
me started about Santa Claus.)
Is
there a chance we might ever see news again? I mean news with
details and information instead of news designed to make me look
but honestly don’t even care about presenting facts. I mean news
where they announce a story, and then actually present that story
instead of something totally unrelated that doesn’t even use anything
they stated to get my attention.
And
I’m wondering because I’m watching more and more people get rid
of live television and switch completely to streaming because,
in part, they don’t watch the news. I’m wondering because once
a week or more, it sounds like another media organization is laying
off employees or shutting down, and while they claim reason after
reason the bottom line for either is usually not enough business
or revenue. All of which means that the sources of information
that remain are going to try even harder to just get people to
look, or more specifically to get people to click.
It
has me thinking that this isn’t going to be the last time I start
seeing things I don’t want to know. (And by that, I don’t mean
important stuff I don’t want to know but really should learn about.
I’m not in a severe state of avoidance or ignorance.)
For
now, I’m going to find some videos of puppies doing silly things.
That should make me smile.