Or,
maybe creating your identity.
Recognizing
your identity?
I
dunno. Let’s start with a story about true stories.
I’m
a believer that there are three sides to every story. Basically:
yours, mine and the truth.
As
we all know, in any story that involves us as individuals, we
all have a version of what took place in our thoughts. And we
are convinced that version is, without fail, accurate.
It
never is.
Opinions
become a part of things. Perspective and point of view. Behind
the scenes details we were not aware of. So on and so forth, modifying
things so that what we believe to be perfectly true is in reality
different. At least slightly.
The
prevailing wisdom—or, as some would say, the cliche—is there are
two sides of every story. But if we can accept that because of
biases and unknowns, your side isn’t flawlessly accurate. And
then, because of biases and unknowns, my side isn’t flawlessly
accurate. We arrive at the conclusion where the full truth must
exist someplace between your side of the story and my side.
There
are three sides to every story. Yours, mine and the truth.
Funny
thing about this truth, I’m not saying anyone is wrong. Accurate
information and details may reside closer to one of us than the
other. Might be wedged right up against us. It could be the faintest
of whispers of a difference between us and the truth. Plus, we
could be in agreement over just about everything, bringing the
truth really close to both of us. (We also could both be drastically,
radically, wildly incorrect.)
End
result… start with a story about stories… there are multiple versions
of reality, and ridiculously seldom is it divided into perfectly
right or perfectly wrong.
Other
day I was reading an article about identity, and more specifically
the concept of personal identity and how that fits into reality.
Idea is that our own personal identities are how we each view
ourselves. Another version of our identities is how others view
us. And the true identity—much like that third side of the story—is
where the reality of who we are, what we think, how we behave
and more resides.
Article
explored, in a somewhat surface scratch way, the idea that how
our personal identities and real identities overlap or differ
tends to be where our happiness, satisfaction, comfort and such
can be found. Think of it this way… if you think you’re a terrific
person, and people who know you think you are a terrific person,
and overall you truly are a terrific person, the probability is
high that most things are alright. However… if you think you’re
terrific, and people who know you think you are a jackass, and
in reality, yeah, you are pretty much an ass, the probability
shifts to a place where many of your interactions with the world
have a sandpaper-like abrasive feel.
And
that should make sense, right? If we’re good and the world thinks
we’re good, we’re likely to be ok in most scenarios. But if we
think we’re really special, and most people are thinking “oh crap,
here comes that pain in the butt Bob again” as we near, there
might be a bit of tension in the air.
In
the movie Dead Again, Robin Williams plays a character
that used to be a psychiatrist. In one fantastically insightful
scene dripping with meaning well beyond the framework of the film,
he basically presents the argument that people in many scenarios
are generally one thing or another. The problem is figuring out
which one you are, and then being that.
Finding
our own identities. Not as easy as it seems to be. And yet, if
you’re going to be comfortable, reaching a place where who we
are matches up nicely with who we think we are plays a major role
in building a solid foundation.
(There
might just be something to understand in that loving yourself
so others can love you idea after all. For the movie scene, Robin
Williams built the thought on smokers and nonsmokers though, and
we don’t have enough time together right now to fully explore
the idea. So, know that you are just a great a person as you think
you are. However, as an exercise that could be massively beneficial
to you, consider that those people that think you’re a jackass
might—MIGHT—be on to something. Just saying, it’s worth
a moment of your time to think about. Have a great day, and keep
smiling.)