You
head off to visit some friends. Staying at their house. You arrive
and there are hugs, quick conversational bits exchanged as luggage
is unloaded, and then a wonderful dinner. Might even stay up way
too late catching up on families and sharing stories..
The
next morning, you wake up and go to make some coffee. There’s
no half and half. In fact, your friends don’t have any type of
dairy. No whole milk. No heavy cream. No offerings from the almond
or oat or soy creations. Heck, you’re even having troubles finding
any sugar.
With
that setting in mind, you standing in the middle of a kitchen
with an empty coffee mug, I ask: Does anyone in this story have
a responsibility for making sure there’s half and half in the
fridge?
To
make sure were considering things from a similar viewpoint, I’m
not asking about how you or friends and family usually react to
visitors. This isn’t about how you always find out what your friends
like, then make sure you have orange juice, lemonade and everything
bagels. It isn’t about how your mom makes sure your favorite snacks
are arranged on the counter long before you turn onto the street.
It isn’t about how your sister always has bottles of wine with
her when she gets to your house.
It
is about justified expectations.
If
a group of people wants to go to a show, at least one person needs
to get tickets. At least. Whether the actual progression is that
one person treats everyone, one person picks them up and gets
reimbursed, or every person on their own to place an order, if
no one buys the tickets then no one goes to the show. At least
one person has to act.
(Back
to the coffee.)
Does
the host have to make sure it’s perfect? In addition to coffee
should they be providing blueberry pancakes, eggs and sausage?
Not
everyone drinks coffee. Those that do rarely fix it the same way
as another person. Is it also on me, having set things up with
cream and sugar and various mug sizes and more, to make sure I
have hazelnut? That’s all you drink, I never drink it, and there
are a lot of variables at work here.
Or,
should I just expect that if I want coffee, a run to a local shop
may be necessary each day?
When
I first graduated from college, I put a sleeping bag and pillow
in the trunk of my car. Long story, but basically a visit being
scheduled at times involved in a few people setting up travel
plans with the intention to stay in the same place. I decided
I wanted to be prepared if I showed up last and all of the sofas
had been claimed. The better to have a pillow and not need it
theory in play.
A
few months later, I went to stay with a friend that had just moved
into a new apartment. We never discussed it ahead of time, and
the contents of his place included one pillow and one blanket.
Those were on his bed. He hadn’t really sorted out a lot of extras,
such as stocking a guest bedroom. I could have grabbed a couple
of towels if I got chilly or wanted to form them into something
for my head, but instead I had brought in my sleeping bag. Worked
out fine.
Even
though it was a surprise on that visit, the lack of a spare bed
tends to come up in conversation when figuring out where to stay.
The makings of coffee not as much.
A
few years ago, I looking for places to stay on a trip. Unfamiliar
with the location, I tried to find some thoughts in reviews. Generally,
I don’t trust reviews fully, since you really need to be able
to wade around to sort fact from fiction, useful and accurate
from meaningless and wrong.
This
particular hotel was designed to be affordable, with low prices
for the rooms. Even so, they made it an incredible bargain, with
all of the rooms set up as suites, free breakfast, and a social
hour with beverages and snacks. One of the perks was a novelty
ice cream for each member of your group placed in the freezer
every day. They referred to it in the amenities list as an ice
cream bar in the room. The suite, with breakfast, wine and cheese,
was less expensive than virtually every other hotel nearby.
One
review of the hotel heavily criticized the ice cream bar. Their
read of the offering was that a mobile ice cream sundae wagon
was being brought to the room every night, with a dozen flavors
and countless topping options, and not having such an option was
horrendous.
Right
or wrong, we all view situations differently.
So,
this morning, you don’t have coffee. Maybe you need to go out
and get some. Is that a sacrifice for a great visit with friends?
Or, should someone have known better?
Who’s
responsible for this mess?