I
don’t believe in regrets.
Not
in the true sense. Though I absolutely understand what they are,
and I fully agree many people have them. For me, however, it gets
a bit more complicated (and as a result, that much easier).
Most
of us look at regrets as the choices we didn’t make, the actions
we didn’t take, or some combination of the two. It’s the “I should
have done that” idea. Which, sure, clean and straightforward.
The
problem with it, in my opinion, is that life doesn’t move in a
direct, straight line. It’s not a flow chart. Not an if this than
that, insert tab one into slot two, run of dominoes where the
decision to knock down one automatically and always leads to the
rest of them falling.
Just
because you want to have children or get married does not mean
you will do either. Or, one person in a relationship prefers to
live in a city on the east coast while the other wants to be rural
on the west coast, and essentially a decision needs to be made
once that great job offer arrives.
This
is not saying you can’t have plans. Not saying you can’t have
preferences. Not saying that certain results—a home with land,
a partner in marriage, kids—aren’t going to be things you hold
as nonnegotiable, nonstarters.
What
I am saying is occasionally the paths and results change. Occasionally
they don’t work out as you expect. Occasionally you don’t have
2.4 kids, 1.75 cars and a decorative fence surrounding a half-acre
of land.
Because
of this, I believe that when we make choices in our lives, we
do so with the information we have on hand at the time. You have
your desires, love your partner, you make your sacrifices. When
you reach the fork in the road, and you pick a path, that often
means the other path is closed. It’s not a regret, it’s the road
not taken.
I
came out of college with what I loosely referred to as my roller
coaster theory. Concept works like this: Ride the roller coaster.
Travel. Have experiences. Because you aren’t guaranteed an exceptionally
long life, lots of money, and good health. Ride it now while you
can. Because you may not be able to later.
As
a theory, it has some areas in need of refinement. I would readily
agree with such a critique. But it works. And it expands. Moves
into those places where it’s saying to enjoy your life and appreciate
the things you have.
Life
doesn’t wait. Clocks are still running, even when you’ve paused
everything to take a deep breath. Yes, sure, absolutely, be thoughtful
and take the time you need to make decisions. Respect others.
But don’t lose out on something wonderful by waiting too long.
That
fork in the road? Every so often, you find out that while you
were stopped, trying to look down each stretch of road, and eventually
didn’t have enough time to do it all… well… if you had just gotten
started, the road looped around and you would have had time to
cover the whole thing. While you paused, life was moving on without
you. If you had taken a chance, you would have had close to it
all.
Take
from that what you will.