When you wish


Actually, thatís just a title. The real idea here is more along the lines of what would you do for something.

Now, letís get this out of the way. I am not suggesting, thinking of, or asking about a Klondike bar. Same thoughts for anything else in that general area. This isnít about how far youíd walk for your favorite sandwich. Not a question of how long youíd wait in line for the latest book or game release.

Iím talking about bigger things. (Hence the involvement of wishes.)

For instance, what would you do for someone you loved? (Or, cared about. Or, wanted to care about and were trying to connect with.)

Would you help them move? Would you not only help them move, but offer them a room at your house? Would you loan them money? Would you let them drive your car?

Letís say you live alone, and love living alone. And not only that, you love having a bit of organization and control over the events of your life. Itís a comfort and security thing for you. Would you give that up? Would you sacrifice privacy and some of your choices?

Iíve shared a Jennifer story before, but letís hit it again.

Years ago, I met someone that seemed very nice. I liked her, and there seemed to be a mutual attraction. So, I asked her out and she said yes. We ended up going out a couple of times. There was no real spark. No connection. But at one point, she offered to make me dinner.

Turns out that for some reason, she felt bad about the way she had acted on one of those dates and wanted to do something nice. So, she did. She made a wonderful shrimp dinner.

AndÖ wellÖ I donít like shrimp.

She didnít know that. She never even asked. Shrimp parmigiana was one of her favorite dishes to cook, it was always delicious, and she felt it would be a real treat. So, thatís what she made.

AndÖ wellÖ I donít like shrimp.

But on that eveningÖ a girl had put in the effort to do something nice for meÖ a girl that I really wanted to see if a deeper relationship might workÖ I ate that shrimp and had a smile on my face that said I loved it.

What would I do for a date? Turns out, eat shrimp and say it was wonderful. (By the way, it was delicious, but I didnít like it because of the shrimp. Sauce was good and seasonings fantastic. Everything in really great proportions and presented nicely. It was a good dish. I just donít like shrimp.)

Over the years, many friends have told me that Iím a sucker for love. Not because of what I do, but usually when I do it. I try to do too much, too quickly, and wind up nervous and shy and awkward and ďletís do whatever you want to doĒ for any and every decision. Itís what I do.

Calling me a sucker is their way of telling me that the dating world is scary, that making someone else happy is wonderful but I need to recognize right out of the gate I have value and deserve some of the things from a relationship that I enjoy.

(Weíre getting a bit off track here. Intent of the essay was not dating advice or a personal therapy session. Letís get centered back in our lane.)

In our lives, we all have moments where we question whether or not something is worth the effort. Will we make the sacrifice? Depending on different elements of the situation, weíre far more likely to bend a little more, give a little more, do a lot more in some instances than we are in others. The trick is understanding how the balance works, how the give and take works, and where we draw the lines.

In my case, I donít know that Iíll eat the shrimp again (so to speak). However, Iím saying that without a serving dish being placed on the table in front of me. Itís always easier to say what youíd do when you arenít really faced with doing it, so be careful what you wish for.


If you have any comments or questions, please e-mail me at Bob@inmybackpack.com